I had a journal of everyday of my serior year, but I disposed of it at some point, wish I hadn't, but you know conspiriousy to commit murder isn't fun

I really wanted to have a class with Amy my senoir year so I picked all classes that Juniors usually took, It didn't work =(. Now I had a problem I need a daily intake of Amy. I started to stare at her when ever I passed her in the hall. She of course now knew I was in love with her. Bethanie thought this was quite amusing. She drove passed me and her friend yelled out in a playful mannor, "HI". I was so fucked up in the head it didn't even register to respond. She must have thought I was a nut. Now that I think about it I must have been.

A bad thing was that Owen, of course has a class with Amy (lucky bastard). Feeling a need to vent herself she tells (the entire class apparently) about me. Owen being the not so bright attachment disorder fuck that he is, conveys the other half of this situation. This accually is not nessarilly a BAD thing as this only heightens her awareness of me in a Major way. And of course Owen being the Dumb fuck that he is tells other people who most notibly US history classmates of mine that are not exactly on his side, if you know what I mean. As I am writing this I want to kill Owen more than Amy ..weird.

Right after she told him I saw Owen down the hall and he was staring at me with a glazed look on his face and a huge smile. I'm staring to remember why I wanted to kill him, haha ..Owens such a Fuck =).

There was a guy named Farley in California that was obsessed with a co-worker and then of course went on a rampage killing 9 people. I read somethings he wrote, he believed that if he persisted he would go out with her. And the FBI told her after-the-fact that you need to give clear messages that no means no ..duh. Are people idiots? When he finished his rampage he said, "Do you think she will remember me?" she would have never forgotten Farley reguardless. When ever I was around Amy I knew she was thinking of me. She would act as though she didn't notice me, whether or not I was staring at her (I accually didn't do it all the time, much less later in the year). To pretend that you don't notice someone uses twice as much concentration on that person than if you just ignored them. She even went as far as to brush by me in the lunch room, I even tried to avoid it, but she would have none of that. A normal person would have kept right, but because, "She had no idea I was there (yah-right)" she stayed in the center of the hall.

Valentines Day, the shit hits the fan. Amy has been very depressed this past year for several reasons. Malissa died, I was of course stalking her in school and she didn't have a boyfriend. Guess which one of these gets solved? As I passed her from Physics class I saw a rose, "No, God No!" but it was true. At lunch time I saw her from the glass with that guy. She knew I was watching. She would turn her head towards me (three times) as they were talking, I looked away when she did this, but always my head was strait in her direction. There was not a single thought in my head as I was just watching (creepy eh?). As I am writing this I want to kill Amy more than Owen ..see how my mind works, switching from one side to another with a single thought.

Word got around to a small number of people as to what happened. There was an odd responce to what I did, but not what you would expect. To this day no one has ever discussed with me what I was doing or trying to do. As a matter of fact I carried on an entire conversation about this with Sgt. Smith with neither of us saying what I was thinking of doing, which was of course was killing Amy. The closest we got was he said, "That shotgun makes me supious". To put this 'response' into perspective, the worst I got was, "you better learn some respect!(see.. he doesn't say about what)" Most of it was looks and berief conversations with people I have never seen before, yet they know my name =).

On the last day of school at lunch she was.. well.. lets say 'fucking' her boyfriend in front of me, makes me insane. That memory is a great tool to help me build the strength to do this. Btw I have a hard time consentrating on such things, because my mind forces me to focus on things to Stop me from any suicidal action.

But something special happened too, Graeme's story, hmmm.. =)